It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
