Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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