i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
