I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
