Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
