I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
