please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
