oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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