my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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