Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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