Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
