i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
