girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Found your dick twin last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
