After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
