I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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