you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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