Can Purell be used as lube?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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