Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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