I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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