I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
