also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
