I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
