I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
