i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
