hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
