it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the raccoons are back...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
