i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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