My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
