I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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