Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
