the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
