I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
