Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
