In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
