she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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