I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
