I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
