I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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