i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
