And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
