But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
