Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
