I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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