We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
