Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
