take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
