i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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