i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
