fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
