how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
