first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
