Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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