I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want a musical about memes.
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